Monday, May 14, 2007

Quick Jokes

Hi Everyone just a couple of quick Jokes, still very busy packing boxes for my move.

This morning on the freeway

I looked over to my left and there was a


in a brand new

top of the range bmw
doing 65 mph

with her
face up next to her

rear view mirror

putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away

for a couple seconds

and when I looked back she was

halfway over in my lane,

still working on that makeup.

As a man,

I don't scare easily.

But she scared me so much;

I dropped

my electric shaver,

which knocked

the donut

out of my other hand.

In all
the confusion of trying

to straighten out the car

using my knees against
the steering wheel,

it knocked

my cell phone

away from my ear

which fell

into the coffee

between my legs,


and burned

Big Jim and the Twins,

ruined the damn phone,

soaked my trousers,

and disconnected an
important call.

Damn women drivers!!

The Seamstress

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked, The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord it is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,'
you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.


Peter said...

Hi Margaret, a cupla good ones there.

JunieRose2005 said...

:) That first was my favorite!! Very funny!


Meow said...

Hey, Margaret ... loved the first one the best.
HOpe you had a wonderful weekend.
Have a great week.
Take care, Meow

Leann said...

you funny girl you.LOL!!!!soooooo it love it...
I wanted to tell you I like the song on your blog.have a great day and I hope your move goes well.I hate moving..its the pits,I have moved over 2o some times.glad I been able to stay here as long as I have.
God bless you.

Lee said...

Thanks for the chuckles, Margaret. Don't forget to pack yourself and your computer! ;)

Jeanette said...

Hi Margaret great jokes had a good laugh at the first one. Take care hope all your packing is finished...

Gwen said...

Hi Margaret.
L.O.L.your jokes were great you must be getting at the tail end of the packing .
Stay Well xx

Jack K. said...

Hi Margaret, sorry I haven't been by in a while. Being on the road for the past couple of weeks has left me with little time for blogging.

Loved the jokes.

gledwood said...

Yeah, I like it!!
Was just passing. Found you via Merle's thought I'd say hi!
It's nice to find some Aussie bloggers for a change. I happened to mention this to Merle and she pointed me to her special links list ... (Half my family's Australian. I just happen to be stranded (& born in) London....)
OK well I'm at
You're welcome to drop by anytime.
All the best!
Gledwood ... "vol 2" ...