Sunday, March 16, 2008

Ever Wonder Why ?








When a woman wears a leather dress,
A man's heart beats quicker,?
And his throat gets dry,
He goes weak in the knees,
And he begins to think irrationally.
?


Ever Wonder Why?



BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW CAR !









A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:


Scroll down























You've got Male



Monday, March 03, 2008

Property Manager in Training

A Queensland farmer got in his Ute and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home"? the farmer asked.

"Sorry mate, he isn't" the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the farmer, "Is your mum here"?

"No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Greg? Is he here"?

"He went with Mum and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for ya"? the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad."

"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment.

"You would have to talk to Dad about that," he finally conceded. If it helps you any, I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don't know how much he gets for Greg."







Installing Love
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.
Can you guide me through the process?


Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?


Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are Running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?


Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech
Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?


Customer: I don't Know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support : With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.


Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.


Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.


Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.


Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.


Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal ?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before We hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.


Customer: Thank you, God.


A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old).

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.

Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."



Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things likeWhen loved

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

AND ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!






ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure
ecstasy.
Take naps.

Stretch before rising
un, romp, and play dailyThrive on attention apple touch you.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Just for Fun

Dear Dr. Phil ,




When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who, as it turned out, loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us, she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.

A few weeks ago, Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later, Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife, hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead, she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. Dr. Phil, What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
Thanks,



P.S. Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two bass we caught













Dear Fisherman,
Get rid of that narrow- minded wife.







The Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the
town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing
it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned
and walked away.

He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said nothing.


Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.

Ya gotta love George.


Thursday, February 07, 2008

What is This?



" IT'S A "HILLBILLY"




This was another email that impressed me.


My Parents told me about Mr Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions.
I seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today I read his obituary.
Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance for Common Sensehad served us all so well for many generations

OBITUARY

COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,
who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.


He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons
such as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird
gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies ( don't spend morethan you earn) and reliable parenting strategies ( adults are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouth wash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband;churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in his death by his parents, Truth and Trust;his wife Discretion; his daughter Responsibility; and his son Reason.
He is survived by three stepbrothers; I know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame,and I am a Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Sunday Clothes

SUNDAY CLOTHES

A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.



'Hello,' said the little boy



'Hi,' replied the little girl.







'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.



'I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,'
answered the little girl.


'I'm also on my way home from church.

Which church do you go to?' asked the little boy.


'I go to the Lutheran church back down the road,' replied the little girl.
'What about you? '




'I go to the Catholic church back at the top of the hill,'
replied the little boy.


They discover that they are both going the same way
so they decided that they'd walk together.


They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially
flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.


'If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive,'
said the little girl.


'My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,'
replied the little boy.


'I tell you what I think I'll do,' said the little girl. 'I'm gonna pull
off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across.'


'That's a good idea,'replied the little boy.
'I'm going to do the same thing with my suit.'

So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting
their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry
before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked .




'You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between a Lutheran and a Catholic!!!




Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian,any more than
standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.

For everybody there is and equal and opposite government program.

If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Middle age is when narrowness of the mind and narrowness of
the waist change places.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Experience is a wonderful thing it enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Never be afraid to try something new, remember an amateur
built the Ark and a team of experts built the Titanic.

It's easier to "get" forgiveness than permission.

Don't worry what people think , they don't do it very often.

If you must choose between two evils pick the one you never tried before.

Opportunity always looks bigger going than coming.

Thou shalt not weigh more than your fridge.

The one thing that unites all human beings regardless of age, gender,
religion, ethnic background is that we all believe that we are above
average drivers.

It is NOT the jeans that make your bum look fat...........It IS the fat!

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Nobody cares if you can dance or not, just get up and dance.

Eat well stay fit Die anyway.






Sunday, January 27, 2008

Just For Fun

THE PERFECT MAN


A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right - all the time.. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy"

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special"

Cabbie: "There's more.......He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake"

Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."

Cabbie: "And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."

Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"

Cabbie: "I married his Damn widow."




There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.


He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"


Friday, January 18, 2008

I'm Impressed

My sister in law Aileen sent me this in an email, I was so impressed I wanted to share it
right away with those who may not have already read this. It seems that there are many
persons credited with the writing of this essay which was called "The paradox of our time"
George Carling did not have anything to do with it I apologize to all who read this post for
giving credit where it did not belong. Having said that, I am still impressed with the
actual words if not the true author.



The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways
, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.


We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away




On a lighter note.


She said he was spending to much money on beer and it had to stop.

He saw that she had spent too much money on clothes.

She said, "I have to spend on clothes so that I might look beautiful for you."

He said "That's what the beer is for."

He said, " I don't think she is coming back"

See you all again soon Margaret




Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Test Run

Subject: It all makes sense now!

The first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes
in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty
years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said
Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll
give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog
did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'


The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give
you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain thegrandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch
and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I'm doing it as a public service.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Colac Homestead at Quilpie

This is the first Photo of Colac that jumped off the page of my previous post while I was moving things around. You will have to now excuse it from being out of order. I am leaving well enough alone now even the magic mystery underlining that has appeared of it's own accord.




Cheers for now from Margaret. ( Magic underlining has gone)

The Last of LassO'Gowrie Garden

This is the last two photos of the huge garden bed full of roses and contrasting herbaceous border.


This photo shows the back fence where the tennis court was. Looking through the tennis court one can see the harsh area beyond. I can remember Lyle telling me that they drove hundreds of miles to tennis gatherings which were a real social event for whole families to take part in.




Below is one of the newer garden beds, a little less established but never the less very attractive in it's own way. It gives a glimpse of better things to come.


So that was in the front gate at Lass O'Gowrie, around the homestead and through the gardens to the back gate and tennis court.



So we say goodbye to Lass O'Gowrie and the wonderful hostess and her family who treated us like royalty.
One can see by the wonderful food and the way it is presented that it is a lot of hard work to cater for coach full of people. However these women are so gracious they give the appearance that it is no bother at all.










Quilpie and Colac Station

This is the homestead on Colac Station. At this particular garden as well as the hard work involved in maintaining a garden on Bore water there was the added challenge of the rabbits and kangaroos coming in to dine on the green food that was there for the taking in a very dry area.
Bore water is pumped up into holding tanks to cool as it comes out of the ground hot enough to burn but not hot enough to make a cup of tea with. If watered onto the garden directly it would kill all the plants and trees hence the cooling in tanks. The bore water was particularly strong in the Quilpie area, smelled very badly of strong minerals,and was not very nice to drink.



There was a Salvia growing in this corner near the tennis court and it was huge, the expert gardiners on the trip were amazed at how large it was, It must have thrived on the extra minerals in the water.These roses are all "Iceberg".


Whilst the owners of this property assured us that the blooms had peaked a couple of weeks earlier we were all very impressed of the beauty of this garden it was once again in such contrast to the surrounding area.





The lawns ate these gardens were all very lush and walking on them was really strange due to the depth of the growth. Much deeper than were most of hailed from where there was a much higher rainfall to grow lawns to
perfection. This aspect was rather amazing.



Rush hour in down town Quilpie. The main street had a garden down the centre of the road with
sculptures ( one dimensional) of cattle. There was also a full row of red Spinach down the centre of these gardensthat looked really good with the flowers either side. There should be another photo coming up later showing this to advantage.



This is the windmill and some of the outbuildings of another property called Rathbourne it's gardens will
be further down the track.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Charleville Still

Lass O'Gowrie Garden. This is the permanent water hole on the river Ward that runs through the property.The water that is pumped out is metered and paid for. This water is not used for household or drinking as it needs filtering and chemicals to purify it enough for that sort of use.
The household water comes from rain water tanks. We talk a walk from the house to this water hole and learned quite a bit about the diverse native growth in this area.



The women of the west are very stoic about the lack of rain due to drought, what may keep tanks going is not enough to run a cattle or sheep property to a viable degree. Some of the people wemet are just able to get on with it by changing course. They do not like to be patronisesd about their hardships. Of course there have been a lot of tragedies on the land where people have just had to walk away on properties that have been in the family for generations. Some have taken another way out sadly as they just cannot cope. Sadly the suicide rate is very high in some country areas.



Below is a view of the house, these houses all have enclosed verandas which are very cool and are really necessary to combat the heat. This is a side view we had our morning tea in the garden at the back of
the house under the shade of the beautiful big tress. Not a Coollibah in this case.



Below is a view of the front garden if you look closely you will see that chairs where the tables were set out for us to enjoy the repast that the women of the house had prepared for us.




I did attempt to post another photo here my server and/ or Blogger were not playing the game for me. I do hope that these photos are of an interest to everyone not only the gardeners. I have the potential to have enough photos in my camera to bore anyone silly. Cheers until next time Margaret

Lass O'Gowrie

This garden was the very first we saw, it was very beautiful and the contrast of the landoutside the garden was in great contrast.



View from the garden to the land outside showing just what contrast there is.
My husband and his family had property not very far from here as the crow flies
or in "Outback speak". He was a member of the council for some years for this vast shire.




The designer and labourer of this garden used to run a native nursery on this property She has just closed the nursery down and is devoting her time to this garden. She states that she is working on unit one of a five stage plan. Her husband owns a earth moving plant and often away digging dams etc.



When we saw this garden it had actually already peaked a couple of weeks prior, however I think you will agree that the plants are still flowering well, especially the roses.



These photos are of one huge long garden bed that I could now show the blooms to advantage had I taken it all in one view.


Monday, October 29, 2007

Charleville

Hi everyone, I am back from the out back. The trip has been wonderful. Firstly we caughtthe Westlander train from Roma St Brisbane at 7.15 pm on the 7th October. We arrived atCharleville at 12 midday on the 7th October.
The photo below is of a waterhole on the Ward river. The rivers out West are
always muddy like this one. It is only in a huge flood that they clear. This water hole
was on the first garden we visited called Lass O' Gowrie.



This is the land that surrounds Lass O'Gowrie as you can see it is very red soil grows Mulga,some Gidgee trees and some lovely ghost gums that like their feet in the water. Mulga trees are the trees that were once pulled to feed the cattle and sheep during drought times.
The method was two Caterpillar tractors with a huge chain between. The trees regenerated thicker than the hairs on a dog's back wherever the trees were pulled. In fact we saw living proof of this. Now the property owners are only allowed to push one tree at a time with a one blade tractor. Very few of the rivers and creeks of the West run, they are all dry creek and river beds until there is a good "wet season". Then these rivers run all the way down to the southern states via the Cooper,Murray, Darling and Murrumbidgee to name a few.
Gidgee trees are very different, it seems whatever the height the tree is there is the same amount under the ground.



Yes, friends at Gympie this is a Polleys coach . It is stationed at Longreach and appears to .managed by Great Outback Tours. I could not believe it. The fellow who drives it lives at Longreach but was born at Blackall. He was a terrific fellow and was full of knowledge of the Outback. Outback. I would recommend him as a driver and tour guide to anyone. I have been on a one or two and he was the best I have seen. He met the train at Charleville. We started the tour with lunch, the food was never ending on this trip. It was great food though.



Below is the Chaleville Motel where we stayed for one night. We were on our way the next morning viewing gardens around Charleville and then on to Quilpie. Whilst at Charleville we also visited the Flying Doctor's Museum as well as the Cosmos centre. The Cosmos Centre just happens to be situated beside the Flying doctor headquarters and landing strip. This was a wartime airfield with the planes and strips all hidden amongst the Mulga.
We had dinner at the Cosmos centre and then viewed Jupiter, Venus and the moon through the
high power telescopes. This was a first for me and something I really enjoyed doing.



The Flying Doctor museum was very interesting as my sister in law and mother in law had connections with this service as they were both nurses. The flying Doctor Service covers, about 622,000 square miles of southwest Queensland an area almost the size of the UK.
Extending from NSW border to the Northern Territory and South Australian borders in the Westand east to the Carnarvon Ranges. The planes are fully equipped intensive care units and save many lives every year. The Nurses and Doctors are on call 24 hours 365 days a year. There is some rivalry between Winton and Charlevile l regarding the flying Doctors. They did start in Winton butmoved very soon after to Charleville.



I have not even reached the first garden as yet so will leave that for my next post as this one is already a little long I hope it will be interesting to those of you who do not know much about the outback. Those who do know the Ourback can go back down memory lane. Cheers to all until next time.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A very Quick Hello

Hello everyone, thanks for visits to my site. I am enjoying being back I must say.
This is a short Hello and an even shorter goodbye as I am leaving for holidays today.
I am touring out West with Kate will fill you all in with a post on my return around the 27Th.
I had planned a real post before I left, but you know the " Best laid plans of Mice and Men".
Cheers until I return all keep well and happy. Margaret





Over The Hill

How To Tell If You're Over The Hill


You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You buy shoes with crepe rubber soles.

The only reason you're still awake at 2 a.m. is indigestion.

People ask you what colour your hair used to be.

You enjoy watching the news.

Your car must have four doors.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You have a dream about prunes.

You browse the bran cereal section in the grocery store.

You start worrying when your supply of Ben Gay is low.

You think a C.D. is a certificate of deposit.

You have more than 2 pair of glasses.

You read the obituaries daily.

Your biggest concern when dancing is falling.

You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Here I am Again

Hello everyone, well as I said here I am again.I am still a little insecure to say it is , here to stay but one can always hope. The road to here was very long and rocky. Among the problems were, every time I tried to connect, the computer would connect to a nearby router.
My nephew, computer specialist up from Melbourne told my computer to connect only to my router. Problem solved NO! After a lot of hair tearing and frustration all round it was discovered that the frequency of my phone was the same as the wireless router .
I won't go into all the details as it would take a fortnight and a packed lunch to do so.
Below are the long promised before photos. I really could post another lot right away as the garden has really grown in time I have been unable to post properly.
This is the front entrance as no doubt you can see,


Below was a failed shot to show the garden in more detail.It has a lot more growth in it already.
My photography will no doubt improve . No laughing allowed from Ken and Peter.

It has been so long since I uploaded photos that in itself was interesting this morning I can tell you.
However, I finally did work it all out. First off the photos were in my usual file but would not allow me to move them or upload them.
I finally found them in another file which allowed me to send them to my desktop. Pesky things these computers, they seem to want to have it all their own way.


I am not sure how many people outside of OZ are familiar with the English comedy calledKeeping up appearances, ( this is where my Hyacinth name came from from my friends?)
Well there is a dog that lives behind that fence and my rubbish bins are on the other side. The dog keeps quiet until I am lulled into a false sense of security then lunges and hits the fence barking.
I do exactly what Hyacinth did when Onslo's dog jumped out of the car wreck barking at her.
Yes, I prostrate myself with fright against the bins or fence every time.


This daffodil is very special, firstly My son Justin and his children planted several bulbs which weshared buying as a fund raiser for the children's school. That in itself makes it very special to me.
Secondly it really never should have flowered here as the temperature is so much hotter than where I lived with Justin ands his family.



This is a shot of the back yard, there are quite a few more photos which I will post next time.


I will leave you with this sick Joke.

Pavorotti was at the Pearly gates asking for entrance from St Peter.
St Peter said "You are not on my list."
Pavoretti said to St Peter " I must be do you not know who I am?"
"I am a world famous Tenor"
St Peter said " I have never heard of you you must be on Old nick's list" and sent Pavorotti on his way.
A while later Pavorotti returned to St Pater with a note from Old Nick which read.
" Here is the tenor I owe you."

For those who are not familiar with our currency Tenner is slang for $10 or in the
old currency 10 pounds.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Please Stay With Me Just A Little Bit Longer

I am not quite out of the woods yet as wireless connection drops in and out.
I am waiting for the chap who set it up to come back and sort it out for me.
Mean while here are a couple of old photos of Sally the Wonder Dog.
See how she could smile, she was a very personable dog, I know she thought she was one of "us".
I still miss her very much, she was wonderful company.



These photos were obviously taken whilst we were in one of our waiting for rain periods at the Palms .
In the time we were there it would be no rain at all then too much. However the property was very pretty and it was a pleasure to live in such a wonderful natural place with splendid views from all sides.



This was where Sally was supposed to sleep and stay in the wonderful run. However
People did not stay in dog kennels no matter how fancy they were.
She slept on a dog's trampoline back on the back veranda of our house which sat
next to what one could loosely call a courtyard between Peter's dwelling and Lyle"s and mine.
Sally used Barkingham Palace when we went out only.
You would not need to be a genius to work out who called it Barkingham Palace.
Yes that would be Peter.
There was also a guest accommodation in this area, this was where both Peter's an our visitors could stay
in their turn. Warren used to visit regularly and both Lyle and I looked forward to his visits
I am sure just as much as Peter did.





I will try to read and comment on as many posts as possible. I will not be doing the real photo thing until I am very sure of my connection hanging in there. I am feeling a little insecure just at present. It is great to
be back though even if not fully operational re Internet.
This is what my clock looks like at present due to more call ins than what I welcome or want to do.
Cheers to you all for now Catch you all again later.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The real Me

Hello everyone, yes this is the real me posting once again, even if ever so briefly.
Peter kindly brought my computer back to on Monday.
My wireless connection for broadband was installed this evening just before
I arrived home from work. I will do a proper post in the next few days.
I just wanted to say hello and thank all of you who have hung in there through all of
my trials, I do hope and pray this is the last. I will soon read and comment on all your sites.
I am a little tired and typed out for today as I have been on a work computer for over 8 hours today.
I promise I will catch up with you all soon and post some photos of my new abode.
By the way a huge big thanks to you Peter for all your help.
Love to you all ,Margaret

Thursday, September 06, 2007

50% right


This is a bit tongue in cheek really, the Tech who fixed this computer
is an expert.


I'm claiming to be 50% able to claim a victory over the forces of evil
in computers as it's Peter typing this but it's on Margaret's computer.
I'll get it back to her sometime over the next week and hopefully she will be back
in person then, stay tuned for another Nellie Melba!!!!!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Still alive.... Still in trouble

Hi all, it's Peter doing a fill in post for Margaret... AGAIN.
Marg. is still having trouble with her internet connection at the new house, which
is lovely by the way, there has been a steadily increasing list of problems over
the last couple of months which collectively have stopped her blogging progress.
The most serious is the constant problems with the broadband connection, it now
appears that the modem (second one used) and the line filter (also the second
one used) have been contributing to this problem.
During one of the many battles she has fought with her ISP supplier and the
people from whom she bought the latest modem, some divine intervention told
her to install password protection on her computer... she did this and is now
locked out of the system as it refuses to accept the chosen password this
effectively means that we can't back up anything prior to reinstalling
Windows, if anyone knows a fix for this I would love to hear it BTW.
Just as soon as we can get the system running and the internet connection
fixed Margaret will be back on the airwaves again.
I'm going to post this at holtieshouse as well in case some readers miss it here.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

It's Very Good to be back

Hello everyone I have really missed you all. Thank you Peter for updating everyone
as to where I was at.
It was great to have some welcoming comments to greet me when I came back on line.
Just as very quick post today as I want to try visit and comment as many friends as I can.
Cheers Margaret





The Seamstress

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked, The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord it is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,'
you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

This is a moving post

Hello all, This post is from Peter, I am posting to let you know that
Margaret has moved, she is quite OK but at this stage has no internet
connection at her new address.
We are hopeful that this will be remedied in the near future and she
will be back with us
soon, save a spot in your hearts for her, as is Margaret's custom I'll finish this off with a joke.


Honk if you love Jesus.

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a bumper sticker
that said "Honk if you love Jesus."
I was feeling pretty sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

I was stopped at a red light intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was
for Jesus.

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. . . .

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience.

A couple of people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So I waved to all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.




Monday, May 21, 2007

Back to Work

Hi, everyone my apologies for not reading very often , therefore not commenting regularly
Thank you for all for visit to my posts I do appreciate them. I am back to work tomorrow so now have to deal with last stage preparation for my move in my free time.
Once the actual move has happened I Will have more time to get back to normal posting. I expect that I will be a couple of days before I am re connected to net as well. Everything is a little unsure at present however the end is in sight. Once again thanks everyone for hanging in there for me.

Cheers Margaret




Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night on the beer. They've got no money to get a taxi, and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside a bus depot.

Paddy has a brainwave and says to Mick, "get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home, and I'll stay out here and look out for the police." Mick duly breaks into the depot and is gone for twenty minutes, while Paddy is wondering what the hell he is doing.

Eventually Paddy sticks his head around the door, and sees Mick running from bus to bus looking very worried. "What in all hell are you doing, Mick, get a move on!" To which Mick replies,"I can't find a number 7 anywhere Paddy," Paddy, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts, "You ***** idiot, Mick.

Steal a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!"

Monday, May 14, 2007

Quick Jokes

Hi Everyone just a couple of quick Jokes, still very busy packing boxes for my move.




This morning on the freeway

I looked over to my left and there was a

woman


in a brand new

top of the range bmw
doing 65 mph


with her
face up next to her


rear view mirror


putting on her eyeliner.


I looked away


for a couple seconds


and when I looked back she was


halfway over in my lane,


still working on that makeup.


As a man,


I don't scare easily.


But she scared me so much;


I dropped


my electric shaver,


which knocked


the donut


out of my other hand.

In all
the confusion of trying


to straighten out the car


using my knees against
the steering wheel,


it knocked


my cell phone


away from my ear


which fell


into the coffee


between my legs,


splashed,


and burned


Big Jim and the Twins,


ruined the damn phone,


soaked my trousers,


and disconnected an
important call.


Damn women drivers!!



The Seamstress

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked, The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water.

When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord it is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,'
you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.











Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I told you so!

A bloke was driving down the highway when he was pulled over by the cops. " What did I do Sarge," he yells as the cop walks up.
"Nothin mate. You just happen to be the one-millionth driver who's been along this road since it's been open,and you've been awarded a $1000 prize."
"Bewdy, Sarge," he says.
" So what do you reckon you might spend it on," the Sarge inquires.
" I reckon I might take the money and get some driving lessons so I can get my licence."
"What," the cop explodes.
Just then the bloke's wife leans over from the back seat, thumps the bloke on the shoulder and bellows:
" Don't take any notice of him Sarge, he's drunk.
And, the mother-in-law, from the back seat, thumps the guy on the shoulder and screams:
"See --- I told ya you'd get into trouble driving a stolen car."




A husband and wife were sitting at home one evening because the husband did not take his customary time off to go down to the pub with his mates.
The telephone rang , when he had answered it and hung up, the husband turned to his wife,
" It's about time people learned to use the telephone properly. Fancy thinking this was the Coast Guard Station,"
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Some silly mongrel just rang up and asked me if the coast was clear."


A man came home from work one day and found his normally neat and tidy house in a dreadful mess.
He was astounded..... he could hardly believe his eyes.
"What's been going on?" he asked his wife. "What's happened?"
She bared her teeth and snarled, " You're always asking what I do all day. Well now know.
Today I didn't do it."


That's all Folks.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Time

Can you imagine the time involved in this melon Sculpting. I think it is very interesting to say the least.
Time is not my friend at the moment as I am preparing for my move at the end of the month. Happily I am on holidays next week so can then give it my full attention.
The thought of yet another move is very daunting to me at the minute, however if that is all I need to worry about I am O. K.
























Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

A few moments after, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"

"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."




At dawn the telephone rings.
"Hello, Senor Lucky? This is Ernesto the caretaker at your country house."
"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"
"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your parrot died.
"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"
"Si, Senor, that's the one."
"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. "What did he die from?"
"From eating rotten meat, Senor"
"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"
"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."
"Dead horse? What dead horse?"
"Your thoroughbred, Senor Lucky. Your thoroughbred died from all that work pulling the water cart."
"Are you insane? What water cart?"
"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor"
"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"
"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire"
"What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!! What was the candle for?"
"For the funeral, Senor."
"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL?!"
"Your wife's, Senor... She showed up one night out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver."

SILENCE...................
"Ernesto....... if you broke that driver, you're in deep, deep, trouble."



Sunday, April 22, 2007

Cat-astrophe


I am certainly not trying to set myself up as the "cat painting police" however I have the right to my own opinion about this. That opinion is that this is not what I would want for my cats. I guess the people who own the cats here are just thinking it is all a bit of fun, albeit very expensive fun as it costs an enormous amount of money to have this cat art done on one's cat.




















I have to say that I think the Art work is pretty spectacular, it worries me though, no cat that I know or have ever known, is going to sit still long enough to have all of that done. I suspect a general anaesthetic would have to be used.






LIFE AFTER DEATH:
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES.
"YES, SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
"WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL,
SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!

PALM SUNDAY
:
IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER. WHEN THE FAMILY RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. "PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS HE WALKED BY."
"WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!"


CHILDREN'S SERMON:
ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE CHILDREN'S SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?" "I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!! "

SUPPORT A FAMILY
:
THE PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, "YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT A FAMILY?"

THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, "WELL, NO. I WAS JUST PLANNING TO SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO FEND FOR YOURSELVES."

FIRST TIME USHERS
! :
A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES.
WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY. I'M UNDER FIVE."


PRAYERS
:
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY, TELL ME, DO YOU SAY PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?"
"NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO, MY MOM IS A GOOD COOK!"

CLIMB THE WALLS
:
"OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN PROMISING US."
THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS THAT?" SHE ASKED.
"I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO VISIT," THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED.

THE MOOD RING
:
MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT TURNS GREEN. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD,
IT LEAVES A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD.
..

THE WATER PISTOL
:
WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL.. HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT AND HEADED FOR THE NEAREST SINK.
I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M SURPRISED AT YOU. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?"
MOM SMILED AND THEN REPLIED..... "I REMEMBER!!"



A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology
courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little
Davie?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"


Little
Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"



GRANDMA'S AGE:

LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA! HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING."

JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?"

Monday, April 16, 2007

My Apologies

Hello everyone, I apologise for my absence I have been very sick and was not able to
do very much at all . I won't bore you with all the details, I am well enough again now
and will catch up reading every one's posts as soon as I possibly can.
I was very disappointed that I missed out on a weekend in Gympie as well as Easter with my friend Ede in Brisbane over Easter. However there are many things that could have been worse so here I am again (until next time). Heaven forbid.







Wonderful what a little makeup can do!
















One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."

"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what is this?" he asked.

The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?

Saturday, March 31, 2007

The Cats that allow me to share their lodgings.

Souki is a very lay back fellow. He has a a golden labrador who is his friend next door. I have tried to take some photos of them hanging out have not managed so far. Will keep trying however.
Souki tried to go on the daily walk with Dan and his owners one day. They had to return him home.



Nowadays I always keep my eye out to watch this does not happen again. He also followed me almost to the shopping centre one day, I had to bring him home. I believe he thinks he is a dog sometimes.
My Sally actually did mother them both when they were tiny kittens. Perhaps she imprinted on him a little.








Polgara the girl, who is fiesty and can be the boss if it suits her to be. She climbs up everywhere and oftenneeds to be deterred with a water spray from this habit , she does not mind what she knocks off shelves if they are in her way.. She is more highly strung than he . They are both lovely natured and great company for me.





Whose bed is this I wonder, I don't think it
belongs to me, although I am allowed to share it.
They are very loving to each other most times and curl up together to sleep when the weather is cool.
They also groom each other which is a sight to behold.
When they curl very close for warmth on a cold day or night it is difficult to see where cat ends and the other
one begins.
They are not allowed to be outside at night, they
keep pretty much indoors during the day as well
though do explore a little, if I am in the
garden so are they, helping by batting the weeds I am pulling up.
Or laying on the plants which is just great.
They also supervise me hanging the washing on the line.




Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to
talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2007

models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .. The house I wanted last year
is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead an d give them an offer of $900,000. They
will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him
in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to.




Three Brazilian Soldiers

Donald Rumsfeld's successor Robert Gates briefed the President this
morning.
He told Bush that Three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To
everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering.
Finally, he composed himself and asked Gates,
"Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Lazy Weekend

I have had a very lazy weekend, well that is after I had done the housework.
washing etc.Visited the Nursing Home to spend some money with the uniform supplier who was visiting with a range of her stock. I have been to church and pretty much done nothing else.
I might mention I am also cranky because my back is plating up again, I am nursing it along as I really want to be in good shape for my house move. I have potted up most of my garden that I have here. I am pleased to say that I won't be moving again. I have had several moves during the last few years that I really could have managed without, except for the wonderful friends Lyle and I made because of some of these moves.

I thought I would post some more poetry and a bit of humour as I am still arguing witih my computer re photos I wish to access, you can see who has won round six. This is an Australian poet
who I will post more about at a later date. Take care , hope all is well with everyone.





A Morning Song

The thrush is in he wattle tree, an’, “oh you pretty dear!”
He’s callin’ to his little wife for all the bush to hear.
He’s wantin’ all the bush to hear about his charmin’ hen;
He sings it over fifty times, an’ then begins again.
For it’s “Mornin’! It’s Mornin’! The world is wet with dew,
With tiny drops a-twinkle where the sun comes shinin’ thro’.


The thrush is in the wattle tree, red robin’s underneath,
The little blue-cap’s dodgin’ in an’ out amongst the heath;
An’ they’re singin’, boy they’re singin’ like they’d bust ‘emselves to bits;
While up above, old laughin’ Jack is havin’ forty fits.
For it’s Mornin’! it’s Mornin’! The leaves are all a'shine:
There’s treasure all about the place an’ all of it is mine.


Oh, it’s good to be a wealthy man, it’s grand to be a king
With mornin’ in the forest-land an’ joy in everything.
It’s fine to be a healthy man with healthy work to do
In the singin’ land, the clean land, washed again with dew.
When sunlight slants across the tress, an’birds begin to sing,
Then kings may snore in palaces, but I’m awake ……..and king.


But the king must cook his breakfast and the kin must sweep the floor;
Then out the with axe on shoulder to his kingdom at the door,
His old dog sportin’ on ahead, his troubles all behind,
An, joy mixed in the blood of him because the world is kind.
For it’s Mornin’ It’s Mornin’! Time to out an’ strive!
Oh, there’s not a thing I’m askin’ else but just to be alive!


My friends are in the underbrush, my friends are in the tress,
An, merrily they welcome me with mornin’ melodies.
Above, below, from bush an’ bough each calls his tuneful part;
An’ best of all one trusty friend is callin’ in my heart.
For it’s Mornin’! It’s Mornin’! When nights black troubles end.
An’ never man was friendless yet who stayed his own good friend.


Grey thrush is in the wattle,an’ it’s “ oh , you pretty dear!”
He’s callin to his little wife, an’ don’t care who should hear;
An' the great bush, the fresh bush, washed again with dew;
An’ my axe on my shoulder, an’ there’s work ahead to do.
Oh’ it’s Mornin’! It’s Mornin’! In the land I count the beats,
An’ with the heart, an’ mind of me I’m singin’ with the rest.

C.J Dennis (The sentimental Bloke)


Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when
you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Great Weekend

Hello everyone, just a very quick post. I have been away for the most glorious weekend to Gympie.
It was for a surprise birthday party for my good friend Ken, ( Jackie and Ken) blog site Fergie's Fab Photos.
I was very honoured to be on the guest list for this very special celebration and had a ripping good time of it. For the entire weekend I might add.
I arrived back home today to join the real world, Ho Hum.

With St Patrick's Day coming up I thought I would explain that the maraird in my email address is meant to read mairead which is Gaelic for Margaret pronounced M'red. The mis-spelling was the brain child of my isp, it was too much of a drama to have it changed hence the maraird. The mairead was meant as a tribute to my dear mother who was Irish, she passed away at the grand age of 99 several years ago .






An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then travelled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to AUSTRALIA to see if Australians had the same phone.

He arrived in Australia, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "40 cents per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've travelled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Australia now, son - it's a local call".

KEEP SMILING

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Plan B

Hello everyone, I was going to post some photos today of my cats.

However seeing that I have put my how to use camera book somewhere safe??? (read never to be seen again in this life most likely) that will have to wait until I check out the store where I bought the camera.

I have not had this camera long and have only downloaded once, quite some time ago, hence my still needing my "destruction" book.

I will post some humour instead. Just before I do that that on a more serious note,

We have to feel for those poor people in America, who have been having a tough time with all the horrific storms that have caused so much destruction and death in some places .It must be terrible to have to live through something like that. My heart went out to one young man I saw on the news, who had brought two young children out who had died in a high school, He was deeply affected as one would be by this tragedy that he had been faced with.




Thanks Ken and Jackie for these jokes you emailed me.


Just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle
strength in the arms and shoulders.

It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass it on to some of my friends and
family.

The article suggested doing it three days a week.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room
at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
your sides and hold them there as long as you can.
Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.
Then 50-lb potato sacks.

Eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each
hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
(I'm at this level)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.




CREATION - THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION


In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches
going to the beach . . .and BBQ's

He created night for going prawning, sleeping . . .and BBQ's,
and God saw that it was good.

On the Second Day, God created water –for surfing ,swimming and BBQ's on the beach ,
and God saw that it was good.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide
malt and yeast for beer.... and wood for BBQs,
and God saw that it was good.

On the Fourth Day God created animals
and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQ's,
and God saw that it was good.

On the Fifth day God created a Bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach,
drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's,
and God saw that it was good.

On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go
to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the Barbie with. . .
So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes,
and God saw that it was good.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling Barbie fires, heard
the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He
smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns ,
and God saw that itwas good ... ...

Well . . . Almost good.

He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheila's - to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to
cook and to clean the Barbie,
and then God saw that it was not just good . . .

It was better than that, it was Awesome!
IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!!



PERKS OF BEING OVER 50







1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
4. People call at
9 pm and ask, Did I wake you????
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat supper at
4 pm .
9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

That's all folks.





Saturday, February 24, 2007

John Masefield

The West Wind.

It’s a warm wind, the west wind, full of birds’ cries;
I never hear the west wind but tears are in my eyes.
For it comes from the west land, the old brown hills,
And April’s in the west wind, and in daffodils.


It’s a fine land the west land, for hearts as tired as mine,
Apple orchards blossom there, and the air’s like wine.
There is cool green grass there, where men may lie at rest,
And the thrushes are in song there, fluting from the nest.


“Will ye not come home brother? Ye have been long away,
It’s April, and blossom time, and white is the may;
And bright is the sun brother, and warm is the rain,
Will ye no come home, brother, home to us again?”


“The young corn is green, brother, where the rabbits run,
It’s blue sky, and white clouds, and warm rain and sun.
It’s song to a man’s soul, brother, fire to a man’s brain,
To hear the wild bees and see the merry spring again.”


Larks are singing in the west, brother, above the green wheat,
So will ye not come home, brother, and rest your tired feet?
I’ve balm for bruised hearts, brother, and sleep for aching eyes.”
………says the warm wind, the west wind full of birds cries.


The white road westwards is the road I must tread
To the green grass, the cool grass, and rest for heart and head,
To the violets and the warm hearts and the thrushes. Song…
In the fine land, the west land, the land where I belong.




John Masefield (1878-1967)




It is lines his poem “Sea Fever” that have made John Masefield, for many people, England’s “poet of the sea”. It may come therefore as a surprise to those who only know John Masefield through Sea Fever and Cargoes to think of this man a s a soldier poet.

Yet, he wore uniform during the first world war and worked on the battlefields of the Somme and Gallipoli.

John Masefield who was to become Great Britain’s sixteenth Poet Laureate was born in the lovley town of Ledbury in Herefordshire on 1st June 1878, the son of a solicitor working in the family law firm.

For John the area was a paradise and one in which he was soon to be joined by two brothers, Henry and Charles, who were to make up the family of five along with his elder brother and sister.

John lost his mother at an early age who was weakened by the birth of her sixth child. He lost his beloved grandparents and lastly his father.

John was then raised by his Uncle William, married but childless who now took on the burden of the family. John was removed from Warwick school where he was settled and happy as it was thought too expensive. His Aunt Kate had no time for Williams’s intellectual pursuits, believing them to be the work of the devil.

It was Kate who suggested that John go to sea, as the Royal Navy was too expensive John found himself in the autumn of 1891 joining the merchant marine training ship Conway, which had been converted to instruct boys who wished to become officers, and was moored on the Mersey River, Shipboard life could be brutal, but for all the misery John was to look back on that time with certain gratitude writing,

I shall always be glad of my short sea time. It was real naked life…At sea you get manhood knocked bare, and it was a fine thing, a splendid thing.

He was stuck down with sunstroke and hospitalized, then returned to Ledbury as a Distressed British Seaman.

His Aunt Kate did not accept that her was unwell and branded him as unable to “stick it’. She insisted he went back to sea He obtained a place on the Barque Bidston Hill which was at that time in New York. He did not sail with the ship when she returned to England but remained in America and became a vagrant.

He was lucky enough to be offered a job in a saloon which then led to him moving on to carpet mill in Yonkers.

He discovered Chaucer, Keats Shelley which seemed to lead him back into the paradise he had once known.

By now he was writing poetry and sending it to his beloved sister Ethel still in England. In 1897 sick with Tuberculosis he returned to England Where his mother’s family came to his rescue. He became well again.

John wrote in 1002 Salt water Ballads, which was compared to Kipling’s Barrack room Ballads. This did not please John Masefield as her felt that Kipling glorifies the imperial dream. John’s collection sold pout in six months.

Within the year John who was 24 met and married Constance de la Cherios-Cromelin. Eleven years older than him and a graduate of Newnham Cambridge.

John and Constance were to have two children Judith born 1904 and Lewis born 1910. Work and more work became the order of the day for John

When 1st world war broke out John was too old for active service but found a position with the red cross working in France in a hospital. He could not write poetry about his experiences there as he found them too horrific. He did however write to Constance about them. He also ferried the wounded under fire from Gallipoli to the windswept beaches of Lemnos 60 miles away..

John’s work from World war one led to many books and a steady career of writing. He enjoyed great success in the literary world as a much renowned writer and poet.

The end came on 12th May 1967, but like Thomas Hardy before him his wishes after death were not carried out. He had requested his ashes to be scattered to the winds, instead they were buried with all due solemnity in the Poet’s corner in Westminster Abbey.

Although this seems a very fitting place for such a poet as he, it would have been far more fitting to have had his ashes scattered to the four winds and carried over the English countryside in whichever direction the wind willed.

John had been a poet of the sea, a patriot, a storyteller, a poet of the common man, and not least, a soldier poet.

Excerpts from a writing by Christopher Starling