When a woman wears a leather dress,
A man's heart beats quicker,?
And his throat gets dry,
He goes weak in the knees,
And he begins to think irrationally.?
Ever Wonder Why?
BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW CAR !
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You've got Male
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Monday, March 03, 2008
A Queensland farmer got in his Ute and drove to a neighbouring farm and knocked at the farmhouse door. A young boy, about nine, opened the door.
"Is your Dad home"? the farmer asked.
"Sorry mate, he isn't" the boy replied. "He went into town."
"Well," said the farmer, "Is your mum here"?
"No, sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Greg? Is he here"?
"He went with Mum and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for ya"? the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one. Or maybe, I could take a message for Dad."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Greg getting my daughter pregnant."
The boy considered for a moment.
"You would have to talk to Dad about that," he finally conceded. If it helps you any, I know that Dad charges $200 for the bull and $150 for the pig, but I really don't know how much he gets for Greg."
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.
Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are Running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't Know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support : With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal ?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before We hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old).
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.
Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."
Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things likeWhen loved
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
AND ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!
ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
Stretch before risingun, romp, and play dailyThrive on attention apple touch you.
Posted by Margaret at 12:38 am
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Dear Dr. Phil ,
When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who, as it turned out, loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us, she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.
A few weeks ago, Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later, Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife, hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead, she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. Dr. Phil, What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
P.S. Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two bass we caught
Get rid of that narrow- minded wife.
The Church Gossip
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the
town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing
it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned
and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny... he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
Ya gotta love George.
Posted by Margaret at 3:03 pm
Thursday, February 07, 2008
" IT'S A "HILLBILLY"
This was another email that impressed me.
My Parents told me about Mr Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions.
I seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today I read his obituary.
Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance for Common Sensehad served us all so well for many generations
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense,
who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons
such as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird
gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies ( don't spend morethan you earn) and reliable parenting strategies ( adults are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouth wash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband;churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your home and the burglar can sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in his death by his parents, Truth and Trust;his wife Discretion; his daughter Responsibility; and his son Reason.
He is survived by three stepbrothers; I know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame,and I am a Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction.
'Hello,' said the little boy
'Hi,' replied the little girl.
'Where are you going?' asked the little boy.
'I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home,'
answered the little girl.
'I'm also on my way home from church.
Which church do you go to?' asked the little boy.
'I go to the Lutheran church back down the road,' replied the little girl.
'What about you? '
'I go to the Catholic church back at the top of the hill,'
replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way
so they decided that they'd walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially
flooded the road, so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet.
'If I get my new Sunday dress wet, my Mom's going to skin me alive,'
said the little girl.
'My Mom'll tan my hide, too, if I get my new Sunday suit wet,'
replied the little boy.
'I tell you what I think I'll do,' said the little girl. 'I'm gonna pull
off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across.'
'That's a good idea,'replied the little boy.
'I'm going to do the same thing with my suit.'
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting
their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry
before putting their clothes back on, when the little boy finally remarked .
'You know, I never realized before just how much difference there really is between a Lutheran and a Catholic!!!
Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian,any more than
standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.
For everybody there is and equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Middle age is when narrowness of the mind and narrowness of
the waist change places.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Experience is a wonderful thing it enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Never be afraid to try something new, remember an amateur
built the Ark and a team of experts built the Titanic.
It's easier to "get" forgiveness than permission.
Don't worry what people think , they don't do it very often.
If you must choose between two evils pick the one you never tried before.
Opportunity always looks bigger going than coming.
Thou shalt not weigh more than your fridge.
The one thing that unites all human beings regardless of age, gender,
religion, ethnic background is that we all believe that we are above
It is NOT the jeans that make your bum look fat...........It IS the fat!
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Nobody cares if you can dance or not, just get up and dance.
Eat well stay fit Die anyway.
Posted by Margaret at 5:15 pm
Sunday, January 27, 2008
THE PERFECT MAN
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right - all the time.. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy"
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special"
Cabbie: "There's more.......He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger. "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake"
Passenger. "Mmm, there's not many like him around."
Cabbie: "And he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank."
Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?"
Cabbie: "I married his Damn widow."
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"
Friday, January 18, 2008
My sister in law Aileen sent me this in an email, I was so impressed I wanted to share it
right away with those who may not have already read this. It seems that there are many
persons credited with the writing of this essay which was called "The paradox of our time"
George Carling did not have anything to do with it I apologize to all who read this post for
giving credit where it did not belong. Having said that, I am still impressed with the
actual words if not the true author.
On a lighter note.
She said he was spending to much money on beer and it had to stop.
He saw that she had spent too much money on clothes.
She said, "I have to spend on clothes so that I might look beautiful for you."
He said "That's what the beer is for."
He said, " I don't think she is coming back"
See you all again soon Margaret
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Subject: It all makes sense now!
The first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes
in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll
give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give
you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back,
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and
enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain thegrandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch
and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I'm doing it as a public service.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
This is the first Photo of Colac that jumped off the page of my previous post while I was moving things around. You will have to now excuse it from being out of order. I am leaving well enough alone now even the magic mystery underlining that has appeared of it's own accord.
Cheers for now from Margaret. ( Magic underlining has gone)
Posted by Margaret at 9:14 pm
This is the last two photos of the huge garden bed full of roses and contrasting herbaceous border.
This photo shows the back fence where the tennis court was. Looking through the tennis court one can see the harsh area beyond. I can remember Lyle telling me that they drove hundreds of miles to tennis gatherings which were a real social event for whole families to take part in.
Below is one of the newer garden beds, a little less established but never the less very attractive in it's own way. It gives a glimpse of better things to come.
So that was in the front gate at Lass O'Gowrie, around the homestead and through the gardens to the back gate and tennis court.
So we say goodbye to Lass O'Gowrie and the wonderful hostess and her family who treated us like royalty.
One can see by the wonderful food and the way it is presented that it is a lot of hard work to cater for coach full of people. However these women are so gracious they give the appearance that it is no bother at all.
This is the homestead on Colac Station. At this particular garden as well as the hard work involved in maintaining a garden on Bore water there was the added challenge of the rabbits and kangaroos coming in to dine on the green food that was there for the taking in a very dry area.
Bore water is pumped up into holding tanks to cool as it comes out of the ground hot enough to burn but not hot enough to make a cup of tea with. If watered onto the garden directly it would kill all the plants and trees hence the cooling in tanks. The bore water was particularly strong in the Quilpie area, smelled very badly of strong minerals,and was not very nice to drink.
There was a Salvia growing in this corner near the tennis court and it was huge, the expert gardiners on the trip were amazed at how large it was, It must have thrived on the extra minerals in the water.These roses are all "Iceberg".
Whilst the owners of this property assured us that the blooms had peaked a couple of weeks earlier we were all very impressed of the beauty of this garden it was once again in such contrast to the surrounding area.
The lawns ate these gardens were all very lush and walking on them was really strange due to the depth of the growth. Much deeper than were most of hailed from where there was a much higher rainfall to grow lawns to
perfection. This aspect was rather amazing.
Rush hour in down town Quilpie. The main street had a garden down the centre of the road with
sculptures ( one dimensional) of cattle. There was also a full row of red Spinach down the centre of these gardensthat looked really good with the flowers either side. There should be another photo coming up later showing this to advantage.
This is the windmill and some of the outbuildings of another property called Rathbourne it's gardens will
be further down the track.
Posted by Margaret at 8:05 pm
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Lass O'Gowrie Garden. This is the permanent water hole on the river Ward that runs through the property.The water that is pumped out is metered and paid for. This water is not used for household or drinking as it needs filtering and chemicals to purify it enough for that sort of use.
The household water comes from rain water tanks. We talk a walk from the house to this water hole and learned quite a bit about the diverse native growth in this area.
The women of the west are very stoic about the lack of rain due to drought, what may keep tanks going is not enough to run a cattle or sheep property to a viable degree. Some of the people wemet are just able to get on with it by changing course. They do not like to be patronisesd about their hardships. Of course there have been a lot of tragedies on the land where people have just had to walk away on properties that have been in the family for generations. Some have taken another way out sadly as they just cannot cope. Sadly the suicide rate is very high in some country areas.
Below is a view of the house, these houses all have enclosed verandas which are very cool and are really necessary to combat the heat. This is a side view we had our morning tea in the garden at the back of
the house under the shade of the beautiful big tress. Not a Coollibah in this case.
Below is a view of the front garden if you look closely you will see that chairs where the tables were set out for us to enjoy the repast that the women of the house had prepared for us.
I did attempt to post another photo here my server and/ or Blogger were not playing the game for me. I do hope that these photos are of an interest to everyone not only the gardeners. I have the potential to have enough photos in my camera to bore anyone silly. Cheers until next time Margaret
This garden was the very first we saw, it was very beautiful and the contrast of the landoutside the garden was in great contrast.
View from the garden to the land outside showing just what contrast there is.
My husband and his family had property not very far from here as the crow flies
or in "Outback speak". He was a member of the council for some years for this vast shire.
The designer and labourer of this garden used to run a native nursery on this property She has just closed the nursery down and is devoting her time to this garden. She states that she is working on unit one of a five stage plan. Her husband owns a earth moving plant and often away digging dams etc.
When we saw this garden it had actually already peaked a couple of weeks prior, however I think you will agree that the plants are still flowering well, especially the roses.
These photos are of one huge long garden bed that I could now show the blooms to advantage had I taken it all in one view.
Posted by Margaret at 7:41 am