Corny jokes

I guy called me a bad driver. I said "If you don't like the way I drive buddy,
get the hell off the footpath!"

A six foot bloke moved to a country town and the local football club
visited him. "We need players like you!" they said. " I don't know a thing
about football", he replied. " That's OK" they said, "We need umpires too!"

As an author I was compared to Shakespeare. They said I was nothing like him.

A woman was taking a shower. There was a knock at the door. She said,
"Who is it?". A voice said "Blind man". So she went down to the door
naked. The man said "Where do you want the blinds put?".

A woman went to a psychiatrist. He said "You're crazy".
The woman said "I want a second opinion".
He said "All right, you're ugly too".

At a party a woman asked my wife "Why are you wearing your
wedding ring on the on the wrong hand?" She answered " Because
I married the wrong Man!"