Sunday, April 22, 2007

Cat-astrophe


I am certainly not trying to set myself up as the "cat painting police" however I have the right to my own opinion about this. That opinion is that this is not what I would want for my cats. I guess the people who own the cats here are just thinking it is all a bit of fun, albeit very expensive fun as it costs an enormous amount of money to have this cat art done on one's cat.




















I have to say that I think the Art work is pretty spectacular, it worries me though, no cat that I know or have ever known, is going to sit still long enough to have all of that done. I suspect a general anaesthetic would have to be used.






LIFE AFTER DEATH:
"DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES.
"YES, SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED.
"WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL,
SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!

PALM SUNDAY
:
IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER. WHEN THE FAMILY RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. "PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS HE WALKED BY."
"WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!"


CHILDREN'S SERMON:
ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE CHILDREN'S SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?" "I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE!! "

SUPPORT A FAMILY
:
THE PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, "YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT A FAMILY?"

THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, "WELL, NO. I WAS JUST PLANNING TO SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO FEND FOR YOURSELVES."

FIRST TIME USHERS
! :
A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES.
WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY. I'M UNDER FIVE."


PRAYERS
:
THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY, TELL ME, DO YOU SAY PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?"
"NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO, MY MOM IS A GOOD COOK!"

CLIMB THE WALLS
:
"OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN PROMISING US."
THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS THAT?" SHE ASKED.
"I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO VISIT," THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED.

THE MOOD RING
:
MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT TURNS GREEN. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD,
IT LEAVES A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD.
..

THE WATER PISTOL
:
WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL.. HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT AND HEADED FOR THE NEAREST SINK.
I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M SURPRISED AT YOU. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?"
MOM SMILED AND THEN REPLIED..... "I REMEMBER!!"



A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology
courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little
Davie?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"


Little
Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"



GRANDMA'S AGE:

LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA! HOW OLD SHE WAS.
GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING."

JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?"

13 comments:

Merle said...

HI Margaet ~~ The cat art is clever, but there are some great jokes there
Thanks for sharing them with us.
Thanks for your comments, Glad you liked the poem and jokes. Not long
now ntil the big move. I hope it will be wonderful for you.
Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

HORIZON said...

Ah Margaret, l got back the same day as you. So sorry to hear you have been ill and missed your Easter weekend break. Lets hope that you continue to get better- l’ll be praying for you.
The cat pictures are scary- imagine being a cat and waking up to a new you- arghh! Personally l think it’s a waste of money but then l’m Scottish and thrifty ;)
Has been busy this end Margaret but am glad to stop and visit with you. "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY. I'M UNDER FIVE."- can just hear that one.
Bests and hugs xx
lol- at the Bush makeover below too!

Jim said...

Hi Margaret, it sure is nice to see you blogging again. Things aren't always easy, are they?
And I'm with you on the cat art, I hadn't heard of it before. If I had to pick one for beauty it would be the heart-faced cat.
Maybe someone hand painted some photos?

Thanks for changing the name to 'Little Davie' from the original 'Jimmy.' I never did like those 'Little Jimmy' jokes.
..

"Early Bird" said...

MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT TURNS GREEN. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD, IT LEAVES A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD

This was my favorite...teehee...that and Grandma's age!

Britmum said...

Hi Margaret

I have seen the cat art before and I think is absurd. I love my cats just the way they are. I guess people have more money than sense. I wish I could borrow some. lol

I loved the jokes. Very funny!

Take care xx

JunieRose2005 said...

;0 Loved the jokes, Margaret!

And those kitties are very pretty...but I wouldn't want to do that to my cats!


Junie

Lee said...

I'm sure those pictures have been digitally-enhanced...surely nobody would do that to their cat...but then, there are certainly some strange people around!

Gwen said...

Hi Margaret.
That cat art wow,i dont think i could do that to my pussy [THOMAS]
that is.
Thanks for your visit talk again soon.

Jeanette said...

Hi Margaret , Im not into cat art, I like cats as cats not painted.

Leann said...

you funny girl you.I had to go to the bathroom frist or Id have wet my pants laughing.I love it love!!!!
sorry I havent been by in a while.I had a bloger slump and was busy.
God bless you girl.have a good week,and a even better weekend.

Christina said...

I would never do that to my cat, but it does look kind of cool.

Loved the jokes - LOL funny!

Glad to see you're feeling better.

Jamie Dawn said...

Sorry to hear you were ill awhile back. I'm glad you are up to doing some blogging again.

Those cats look neat, but I wouldn't pay to have that done. I agree with you that they must have put those cats under in order to do that work.

Cute jokes!!
I especially like church related humor.

Meow said...

The cat art looks amazing, but like you, I'd imagine it would have to be done under an anastethic, as which normal kitty would allow itself to be painted or dyed like that, and sit still !!!
Hope you are well.
Love the jokes.
Take care, Meow