Saturday, February 17, 2007

Couple of Funnies

Hope these jokes make you a laugh. We have been having some great rain here, for days on end. Heavy enough to soak in and not run off. I am sure everyone is as happy as I am about this. The dam that services the sunshine coast is collecting well, we were not desperatefor rain like some other places were to start with..
I hope Brisbane catchment area is collecting as well. I have not heard as I have not been about to catch new and weather this week due to work committment I am manageing well and have the weekend off. So will catch up with some blogging. Thanks to all the well wishers who were concerned I may have been doing too much too soon, I am OK.






A GOOD ONE

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity, You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees".


The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard
and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads, "No."

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!!!"

There's no arguing with this one!



Men Are Just Happier People


What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this
one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to
turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £1,000
Tux rental £100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes
don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone
conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own
jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is £8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more
than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are
unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays
its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes
one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs
look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.

No wonder men are happier.






16 comments:

Lee said...

Thanks for the giggles, Margaret! :)

Good to see you're fighting fit!

We've been getting good rain up here on the mountain...as a matter of fact it's raining right now...about 8.20pm Sat. evening.

Take good care. :)

Jeanette said...

Hi Margaret
good jokes gave me a good chuckle
Take care. Janxx

JunieRose2005 said...

Margaret,


I loved those jokes!

Whoever wrote that about MEN certainly knew what SHE was talking about!

Junie

PEA said...

Hello dear Margaret!! I'm so glad to hear you're getting some much needed rain...I heard about how very dry everything was over there!! I so loved the jokes...the one about men is brilliant! hehe Hugs xox

Merle said...

Hi Margaret ~~ Good jokes. Lucky you getting the rain, but guess our turn will come. (I hope it will be in time) Thanks for your comments, that
show and tell one was a good one. I
liked Mom's play centre !!
Gla dyou are going well at work, but
enjoy the rest of today, Sunday.
Take care, LOve, Merle.

Jim said...

Aren't those men clever creatures to figure out how this can work!
..

Peter said...

Was the cannibal who ate the secretary a woman?

DellaB said...

"I am OK."

That IS good to hear, you sound back in form too - goodonya...

:-)
Della

Christina said...

The second joke I have heard but still funny.

The first one was new to me and great! ROFL! May steal that one.

Britmum said...

Very funny jokes. I have been busy here with my Auntie. Visitors do seem to take up lots of time but I love it. Its an excuse not to do much around the house. LOL

Take care xx

Jack K. said...

Great stories.

Very funny.

Thanks for sharing.

Meow said...

Great jokes, Margaret.
Glad you are getting lots of rain ... wish we were !!
Have a wonderful week.
Take care, Meow

Leann said...

I LOL.thanks for the giggles.God bless.have a good day.

HORIZON said...

Brilliant news about the rain Margaret. So often when the ground is so dry it won't soak in- you're right about that!
Enjoyed the jokes ;)
Now, should l say, 'keep dry'- na- l don't think so.
Bests x

Margaret said...

Hi Jim, I would have to agree it does look good for the men on paper.
Cheers Margaret

Margaret said...

I suppose I have to say Jim It does look good on paper.