Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may nor lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2.The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan and a leaky tryre.

3. It's always darkest just before dawn. So if your'e going to steal your neighbours papers, thet's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8.Before you criticize someone else, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.

9.If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11.If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal, until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double you money is to fold it in half, then put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like "The Force", it has a dark side and a light side and it holds the world together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with a woman, neither one works.

19. Generally speaking you're not learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

22. Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.